Monday, October 5, 2015 Montserrat

I must stop writing of yesterday’s adventures (dictating actually, I long ago lost the ability to write or type) and eat my breakfast. After breakfast, we head out the door, destination Montserrat. We take the Metro red line from Navas over to Espanya station, without drama. We’ve become sophisticated subway users and diligent ascensor finders.

Montserrat, or serrated mountain, lies an hour northwest of Barcelona by train. After buying tickets, we catch the FGC train for the hour's ride out to the base of the mountain. From there, we catch the rack train taking us up the mountain to the monastery of Montserrat. We shouldn’t take too much credit for finding the correct train from Espanya since the station has posted 5’ x 8’ signs in English pointing the way to the correct train.

Montserrat, a Benedictine abbey up on a serrated mountain, holds the soul of the Catalan people. Long ago some shepherd children (Catholic mythology always features shepherds or shepherd children) saw lights and heard songs emanating from a cave. Drawn to explore the cave, the children found a wooden statue of Mary buried there. Years in the soil had turned her black. The Church gave the black virgin (La Moreneta) refuge in the abbey.

Exiting the rack train at the busy monastery, we learn that we’ve arrived just in time to hear the fabled boys’ choir sing. We enter the back of the sanctuary, not expecting to see anything over the throng of tourists before us. One of the people in charge decides that as a wheelchair-bound tourist, I need to go to the very front of the church. He moves all the other tourists to the side, allowing Bear, Bird and I to proceed. Our path disappears as soon as we pass, like the ocean filling a temporary void. In the very front of all the people, I have an unobstructed view of the altar, the priests and the choir.

Shortly the boys file out. The boys walk two by two, matched in height. Finding their places, they begin to sing in voices truly angelic. After their song, the priest speaks briefly in Catalan, English and Spanish. Very inclusively, he asks for world peace and invites everyone to pray the Lord’s Prayer together, each in their own tongue. He begins but no one in the audience says anything. I start, “Our Father, who art in heaven,” but Keith shushes me saying that the priest intended silent prayer. I look at the sea of Asian faces surrounding us and wonder how many know the prayer. After all, millions of Asians are Christians.

I notice again and again that the Catholics show special kindness to cripples and go out of their way to help me each and every time. Do they consider me touched by God? I remain awed and grateful. Alternatively, the Roma consider me cursed and take great pains to avoid me, not necessarily a bad thing.

We roll as close as we can to La Moreneta. Housed behind glass up a steep flight of stairs, she’s completely inaccessible to me. I offer my prayers from the bottom of the steps. The church really moves me. If Catholicism were focused solely the veneration of Mary, the best Christianity offers, I could be Catholic. I extend my hand to the Virgin and open my heart.

Leaving her sanctuary, we walk down a Mary way. I light a candle and say a prayer for Irma, my Spanish teacher who enjoys hanging out with nuns, and a blessing for the world. Even now, as I write a month later, I remember the peace that flooded my senses from the holiness of La Moreneta.

Hungry, we begin our restaurant search. We first encounter a massive cafeteria or tourist feeding trough, which does blessedly have an accessible bathroom. A cafeteria employee kindly unlocks the bathroom door for us. I can proudly say that we don’t cave in and eat crap. We exit the trough and continue our search for decent food.

Walking along the road, we find a Hotel Abat Cisneros. The hotel has a most excellent restaurant with an amazing view of the mountain and valley. We slowly enjoy our late lunch. Sated, we leave and walk out all along the cliff as far as we can. We drink in the stunning view as we watch birds fly about the cliff enjoying the uplifting thermals. Keith gives several birds pet names and cheers them on.

We return to the rack train to head down the mountain. Confronted with two trains and little English, we board the train that has people in it. Earlier than scheduled, the train leaves. Oh-oh, wrong train! This one only goes to the parking lot. Booted off, we wait for the correct train to take us about half a kilometer further down the mountain.

Upon reaching the base of the mountain we catch the correct (and only) train back to Barcelona. No one checks out tickets, which we dutifully keep. Aha! Back in Barcelona, at Espanya you can’t exit into the Metro without your tickets. Not wanting to spend the rest of our lives gazing longingly into Espanya, we surrender our prized tickets to the turnstile, which opens. A few acsensores later, we board the red line for Navas and home.

Sunday, October 4, 2015 - El Born

We enjoy breakfast, including some of the ham we bought last night. Today we plan to visit one of MUHBA’s fifteen locations, namely the Barcelona History Museum. Certain we walked right past this Museum when we went to the Picasso Museum Friday, we carefully plot our Metro course. We head over to that part of town, El Born, positive that we know our destination.

Enjoying the morning, we walk around El Born, only to discover that neither of us really knows the History Museum’s location. We end up at a chocolate museum. Whoops! I find chocolate nauseating in the morning. We skip this museum.

Strolling about, we find the old El Born market which has been closed for a long, long time. The city has taken the space and created a free open-air museum. The city dug up the floor in the old market exposing the underlying Roman ruins. Barcelona was originally Barcino, a Roman town settled by Augustus (as in Roman Emperor Caesar Augustus). Barco means boat in Latin. Underneath the market floor lie old Roman shops and residences. Glass pathways allow viewing the street layout from above.

Venturing further in the museum, we discover a remarkable display of Catalan history documenting the independence movement’s first defeat during the war of the Spanish succession. (Brief history moment: The obscenely inbred, multiply disabled Habsburg Charles II aka Charles the Bewitched died without issue, willing his country to the Bourbons, kings of France, sparking the war of Spanish Succession.) The Catalans supported the losing side during this war, namely the English and the Austrians, neither of whom ever did much for the Catalans, a tragic repeated historical theme. Their demands for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness echoed ours, only made a century earlier. Very sad, very moving. The Bourbons exacted horrible revenge as they conquered Barcelona. But why did we (the States), seventy years later, get our own country? What saved us? The French or long supply lines?

After a quick lunch, we roll down to the waterfront to the Maritime Museum, free on Sundays. I know Bear will love this one. We walk through the entire thing! We see lots of models of ships, thrilling the Bear. Using both models and full size replicas, the museum shows the development of different sorts of ships. We see a replica of a medieval rowing galley, and the impressive 60-meter-long royal galley Admirals of the Juan de Austria triumphant in the Battle of Lepanto defeating the Turkish Armada off of Malta. We also check out a surfing exhibit that shows all the places people surf. My mind combines medieval knights and surfers, wondering how quickly the armor clad dudes would sink.

Leaving the Museum, we pass a huge statue of Columbus. I must admit some confusion, as Columbus faces east, into the Mediterranean, but he sailed west. Perhaps he sailed facing backwards, so as not to scare his crew with open waters. Nevertheless, he guards the harbor. We decide to at long last walk up the Ramblas from Chris’ statue to Placa de Cataluyna or Catalan square, a pedestrian walk highly praised by Rick Steves. The Ramblas has wavy brick pavement, its best feature. Bird even likes it; the cobbles elsewhere just shake her to the core.

Despite Rick’s recommendation, the Ramblas forms by far the tackiest, stupidest thing we’ve seen in Barcelona, perhaps in all of Europe. Stalls line the walkway stuffed full of identical cheap crap from China. I can’t report even one thing worth seeing. The Ramblas provides only comic relief and the opportunity to dodge pickpockets.

I wonder if I’m outgrowing Rick Steves, once my hero. Things that he endorses as mega-cool I just find stupid. And I don’t agree with him about his choices in art either. (More about this later.) We stopped staying at his recommended hotels long ago after finding ourselves repeatedly surrounded by Americans, not what we came to Europe to see. With Airbnb we rent flats (kitchens and washing machines) right in the middle of everything, for less money.

We take the Metro home and eat tapas again. We fear that we will soon transform, Kafkaesquely, into two giant tapas.

Saturday, October 3, 2015 - Salvador Dalί

Rising late, we realize that we’ve missed our 9:23 train to Figueres. Oh well. Vacationers do sleep in. We have a leisurely breakfast and then descend to the Metro at Clot. We must take the purple line to Sagrada Familia and transfer to the blue line which will take us to Sants Estació. But luck deserts us. A broken ascensor at Sagrada Familia forces us back onto the purple line for one more station. We disembark, ride an elevator up, walk across the bridge over tracks, ride another ascensor down and take the purple line back to Sagrada Familia, this time exiting on the other side, which has a working ascensor. Elevators govern more of our life than we care to admit.

The blue line indeed takes us to Sants Estació. We walk up to the ticket purchase window to discover when the next train leaves. The RENFE employees take one look at the wheelchair and explain that I must always be half an hour early so that they can load me onto the train. Had we jumped up and run this morning, we still would have missed the early train! We buy tickets for the 1 o’clock train, contact the disability people and wait. Sants Estació seems huge to me. Keith reminds me that France has far larger stations, especially in Paris, but as I could walk then, Gare du Nord seemed smaller and far less intimidating. Keith, ever the content bear, buys some gross train quasi-food, which he eats happily while we wait.

Later we see the helpful disability people in every train station. Using keys and secret lifts, they push me to the correct platform. Every platform has a boxed lift. Most trains require ascending three steep steps to board. When our train arrives, the RENFE people unlock the secret lift, attach a battery to it and push the lift to the train door of whichever car our tickets specify. They set one end of the machine on top of the steps. They wheel me on to the lift, push a button and up I go. Once on the train, I work with Keith to very slowly and haltingly march to our seats. If fortune smiles upon us, we sit near the door; if not, we walk.

On the way out of town, we see every available surface splayed with graffiti, much of it in English. I find this very odd. Why would you go to all of this effort to say something in a foreign language? Maybe the Brazilian women we met at the airport were right and perhaps everyone secretly really does speak English.

All RENFE seats lean back, some looney tune’s idea of comfort. Since I always want to sit up straight, I do, so that I can read my book. But the train moves from side to side as it travels the tracks to Figueres. I feel like I’m on Kenda’s (my Physical Therapist’s) Proprio machine, doing my best to balance as the seat moves side to side and back and forth. Am I in Spain or merely engaging in one endless PT exercise?

An hour later, the bullet train delivers us to the Figueres station. The train continues to France, but without us. We follow signs, walk for 15 minutes and enter the Dalί Museum. Due to a lack of accessibility, we enter gratis as a cripple and her pusher. Not everything is more accessible in Spain! Old buildings remain old buildings. And we get a discount, something I never encounter in the States. As I’ve said before, the Europeans think about how all will see the sights.

Nonetheless, we carry on. We begin with the courtyard which holds Dalί’s 1941 Cadillac with a larger than life sculpture of his muse/girlfriend/wife Gala on the car’s hood. Each high alcove in the courtyard contains sculptures resembling life-size Oscar statues. The courtyard also holds a strange ship dripping with blue glass bottles. Behind the ship, up higher on the walls, Dalί affixed dozens of sinks.

Using the sole ramp, we enter the theatre museum proper just as rain begins to fall. Spain’s civil war destroyed the original theatre, the first place to show Dalί’s work. Unlike everyone else, Dalί got along with Franco. Dalί rebuilt the theatre, saying he would put Figueres on the tourist map. Dalί proved correct; numerous people visit the museum taking the train from Barcelona.

I can only easily access the main theatre room, but what a room it is! Dalί painted his version of the Sistine Chapel on the ceiling, portraying him and Gala creating the world. Dalί put stuff everywhere! Every place I look I see something new. One alcove contains a statue of Neptune with an octopus swimming above.

Keith, like our son Bloodroot, doesn’t believe in handicap inaccessibility. Keith wheels me up a short flight of stairs into a room filled with Dalί’s paintings. Dalί mastered a million different styles, but spent most of his time in surrealism.

Keith wanders about the museum thoroughly enjoying it, while I sit in the theatre room captivated by each new item I find.

Dalί was definitely insane. His muse Gala really kept him in line. Dalί was very into art in the theater of art. He grew his signature mustache to match Velasquez’s moustache, then went further, ever seeking the absurd.

We enter the gift shop. Keith, despite his the anti-souvenir Nazi bear stance (no more coffee cups or magnets!), succumbs to temptation. He buys a melting clock to take home. I finally understand his position; we can only buy expensive souvenirs.

The rain stops. Dalί has left us hungry so we catch a late lunch outside the museum. The restaurant features bad tourist food. Would it be any better in the States? No! When I’m away from home, oh how I miss the Sysco truck (sarcasm NOT!). Accompanying the horrible American-style food, we groan under the horror of even worse American-style music. As we eat, the shit hits of the 1970s assault our ears, including the likes of Journey, Queen, Billy Joel and Toto. I’m so glad I traveled to a different continent to hear the same atrocious Nuremburg-worthy music. I work very hard at singing other songs to myself so that none of the horrid songs will earworm their way into my brain. Despite serious trying, even this place fails to dampen our spirits or crush our souls.

Following a delightful day of Dalί, we return to Barcelona. We exit Sants Estació. Crossing the street, we walk over to the ascensor for the Metro and find it broken. I’ve learned the Spanish for this “El ascensor no va.” Despite speaking directly to others attempting to use the lift, no one listens to me proudly state this. We walk a few blocks to the next ascensor, finding it broken too. Puzzled, we walk to a third. Every elevator in the city appears to be shut down. We ask a local woman for help telling her all the ascensores are broken. “Then there’s no hope for it,” she says. “You must get a taxi. I will help you.” She walks a few feet out into the busy street, puts her arm up and shouts, “Taxi!” One stops immediately. I get into the front seat, while the driver and Keith disassemble Bird and put her in the trunk. The taxi drops us off in front of our flat.

We go out for tapas again. Although very tired of ham, we stop at ham store and buy some different varieties for breakfast. We watch the people cut up ham. Taking various pork legs down from the wall display, the employees clamp the pork legs securely into special wooden carving stands. With their sharp knives they cut paper thin meat slices. We buy 100 grams.

We feel like locals when we buy ham and bread and cheese. We throw in a tomato now and again, and other vegetables. We often eat at the same tapas place, Gent del Barri.

Wine is quite inexpensive in Spain, one or two euros a glass.  If you buy food and cook it’s amazing how cheap your vacation becomes.

Friday, October 2, 2015 Pablo Picasso, When He Was Young

Day one in Spain! Our first assignment, call and cancel the power chair rental. People advertising lodging fudge on wheelchair accessibility. We find them far too lazy to get up off their butts and measure their elevators, even if you send them the exact dimensions of your wheelchair in centimeters accompanied by a polite measurement request in Spanish. We have to collapse Bird’s front feet to get her in the elevator. So much for the power chair pipedream!

Our Airbnb host emails us, reaffirming that we don’t owe any money. With that settled, we can begin today’s adventures.

Today marks our first journey on the Barcelona Metro. The automated ticket machines only accept credit cards using the chip & pin system common everywhere except the States. The machine rejects my card. Fortunately, Keith, ever the prepared Bear, studied up on this and has his new Visa card with a chip, for which he’s even memorized the pin. He buys our tickets.

We have a wonderful map of Barcelona’s accessible Metro stops. The accessible ones have a little wheelchair next to them while the inaccessible ones have a skull and cross bones like a pirate flag. Elevators or in Spanish ascensores (which Keith quickly names ascenders) permit accessibility, while stops labelled with the skull and cross bones have “annoying stairs.”

As confused yet hopeful old people, maps can be a bit of a challenge! The closest subway stop to our apartment, Clot, has both a wheelchair and a skull & crossbones. Huh? WTF? We find the street-level ascensor and descend. We soon learn that the purple line is indeed accessible via Clot, but the red line, the one we need, correctly bears the non-accessible skull and crossbones. A kindly Metro employee shows us that the purple and red lines cross again at University. Thus educated, we ride the purple line six stops west to University, transfer onto the red line and ride three stops back east to Arc de Triomphe.

Exiting in El Born, we walk to the Pablo Picasso Museum. Reserving online, ahead of time, I purchased something called an Articket BCN. Paying ahead gives you discounted admissions to three of the museums we wish to see. We turn in our vouchers and receive something that very much resembles a red Canadian passport. Good for a year, each museum you visit you stamp, just like a passport. Naturally, we discover a burning desire to visit all six museums listed.

We enter the Picasso Museum, stamping our tickets. This museum holds a lot of Picasso’s early work. We start with his self-portraits featuring a young very intense Spaniard staring out at you. Picasso paints realistic portraits with just a touch of impressionistic flair, allowing us to appreciate his mastery of all forms. We see a painting of his sister at her first communion. She’s incredible, a veritable bride of Christ at seven. Despite the religious trappings, the entire portrait revolves around her, radiating her young beauty, innocence and transcendence.

Next, we see paintings from Picasso’s blue period, spent penniless in Paris after his best friend commits suicide. He paints not only what he sees ─ whores, misfits, beggars, street people ─ but what he feels, filling his paintings with blue, the coldest color. Depressing subjects and depressing colors; I shiver.

Fortunately, Picasso finds a girlfriend and moves into his rose period. Otherwise, I think that he would have killed himself too. He now paints numerous harlequins in cheerier oranges and pinks.

In the early 1900s Picasso decamps permanently for Paris, the city that calls all artists. As an aside I wonder, must all true artists spend time penniless in Paris as a necessary homage to their seriousness about art and the city of light?

Later Picasso refuses to return to Spain until Franco departs. Unfortunately, Franco outlives him, so Picasso never returns home. In his old age, examining his roots, he paints fifty impressions of Velasquez’s Las Meninas. We see many of these, but would have appreciated them more had we visited the Prado (in Madrid) first and seen the original Las Meninas.

After enjoying the museum, around three, we find another tapas place for lunch. We hear two women at a neighboring table having a very rapid spirited discussion in Spanish. Naturally, I don’t understand a word they say.

We pull out our subway map since we know that we have to find the Sants train station tomorrow to go to Dali’s Museum in Figueres. Keith has found a metro station named Sant Antonio that he is sure is the place. However, Sant means saint in Catalonian. I see at least five stations named Sant on the Metro map. Despite traveling with the ever confident Bear, I have my doubts.

I haltingly query the women at the neighboring table, proffering our map. They quickly point out that we want Sants Estació. They love our Metro map with the handicap signs and the skull and cross bones, which they interpret to mean “ugh! fucking steps!”. We learn that they hail from Argentina and believe solely Patagonia makes Argentina shine. We disagree, pointing out that the Pope comes from Argentina and therefore everyone from Argentina must be going to heaven. They laugh.

To intelligently use Barcelona’s Metro, you need to know the final stop each way. This tells you your direction. Eventually we learn this. Keith fondly enlarges words both foreign and English with extra letters. He adds a lot of R’s and S’s to things. So the red line terminus Metro stop Fondo becomes “Frondo” and finally “Frodo.” The stop Clot becomes “Clots”, and the train people RENFE become “RENFRE.” Add that to my Spanish, and no one understands a word we say. We find we can avoid the Clot inaccessibility mess and get on the red line by walking a couple of blocks farther from the flat then descending to the station Navas. Keith calls this “Narvaras” which upsets a local gentleman so much that the man shakes his finger Keith while repeating the word Navas, Navas, Navas.

We’ve now have had some time to observe the Spanish or more properly the Catalans. Like my dim memories of the States in the 1970s, everybody smokes. I’ve never seen so many people smoking. We dodge scooters everywhere. Both women and men drive them, careening like maniacs, weaving in and out of traffic. Everyone wears a helmet.

Nearly everyone seems to be wearing tennis shoes, often fairly brightly colored. We see bright orange, bright blue, and bright purple shoes. But I see no one in CFM (come fuck me) shoes aka heels. I sincerely hope the world has changed. High heels amongst all these cobbles would really be the height of stupidity.

Spain, a proud member of the EU (European Union), has handicap accessible bathrooms everywhere. I think that they always build three bathrooms, women, men and family (accessible). Intelligently, and unlike the US (especially DIA), they lock the family restrooms. You must find an employee and prove your worth before they will unlock the door.

We find Europe generally more handicap accessible than the States, save the size issues. America, huge and expansive, has big elevators, taxis and cars. Not so in Spain, where they build elevators in broom closets. This will frustrate us repeatedly.

We have a very sad tradition of relegating so many to being “Other” in the States. White, European descendants, especially the wealthier ones, hold massive privilege, privilege generally unacknowledged and unnoticed. Think about it. When was the last time you were personally harassed by the police?

In the States you will generally find yourself branded “Other” should you have any color and/or disability about you. Descending into a wheelchair, I lost what I never realized I had, as the crown of white privilege fell off of my head, rolling away. Crippled now, I couldn’t even reach down to pick it up.

Europe’s tourist draws tend to be old places, requiring careful thought about how everyone can visit, including people like me. How will people in chairs get about? As I’ve said before, Europeans still consider me foremost human, like themselves. In the States, I am “Other,” not quite human, not deserving.

Enough ruminating on Cripdom! Back to Barcelona… Most of the Metro stops have multiple lifts. One takes you from street level to ticket/turnstile level, and a second down to the platform where you board the subway train. Able-bodied Catalans have no compunctions about using the lifts themselves, no matter how little they need them. Every station has escalators; no one has to walk up stairs. Not just Americans harbor amazing laziness.

In Barcelona we thoroughly enjoy the small local shops where we buy bread, vegetables and ham. Ham or jamon, the national dish, rates its own stores. You enter, select a pork leg hanging from the ceiling and the employees will shave off 100 grams for you. At €100 a kilo, all we can afford is 100 grams. We also visit a wine store, finding wine from the Canary Islands, something Keith has sought for years.

Having eaten our larger meal at lunch, we only desire a snack. We seek a different tapas place tonight, looking for variety. We find one which has the exact same tapas as Gent del Barri but of massively inferior quality. They mistakenly bring me a plate of pickled anchovies, the only bright spot in the meal. In our adventure, I try anchovies three more times before reverting to my earlier belief ─ disgusting.

Pondering, we note that some tapas we like a lot, specifically the Petrone peppers, salted and sautéed. We try the various hams until Bear becomes very tired of them. We really burn out on ham. Enough navel-gazing over tapas! We go home and turn in for the night.

Thursday, October 1, 2015 Barcelona at Long Last

We land in Frankfurt around 11 AM. My hopeful recollection of being the first one on the plane fades, dashed by the realization that I will be the last one off. Once again, we watch all the people exiting the plane, marveling at just how many flew with us last night.

The internet gives various figures for number of passengers on a 747-400, depending upon seat configuration, but guesses 375. Save the seat neighboring us, this plane appears full.

The same airplane everyday flies from Frankfurt to Denver, arriving in Denver around 3:30PM. Lufthansa cleans the plane, fills it up again and two hours later sends a different group of people to Europe.

I’m always so excited when the plane lands and I’ve pulled off Europe again. “Yes!” I say to myself with a fist pump.

Bird greets me on the jetway. Keith reassembles her. I transfer from the aisle chair into Bird. As well-behaved animals, we find our next gate for the flight to Barcelona. Waiting quietly for our flight, we sit next to two women from Brazil. They take one look at Keith, and begin speaking to him in rapid-fire Portuguese. Keith can be from Brazil now too. No one ever guesses Keith’s real nationality ─ American. Ever the helpful Bear, Keith looks at their tickets and tells them they’re on the right flight.

We converse with the Brazilians in pidgin Spanish. “So you speak English?” the women ask. “We’re meeting our family in Barcelona. They speak English. Everything is okay as long as you speak English!” Funny, English won’t really help us much in most of Spain.

In the American papers, we read that the Catalans have elected a separatist, pro-independence government. Threats fly back and forth between the Catalans and the Madrileños.  Rajoy, the conservative party prime minister down in Madrid, shrieks that independent Cataluña won’t have any euros. He will personally shut down their economy. We decide to use one of the ATMs in the Frankfurt terminal, just to be safe.

Our next plane arrives and boarding begins. With all save me on the plane, Lufthansa can’t find their aisle chair so I personally delay takeoff. Eventually they do find one, hustle me aboard and off we go. The two hour flight to Barcelona allows me to sleep again. Yeah!

We exit the plane in Barcelona, last off as always. We reunite with Bird again on the jetway. Downstairs, we collect our luggage and begin looking for a handicapped taxi. I call the correct taxi phone number, but my Spanish is so bad that no one can understand me. Acknowledging failure, Keith and I decide to wander farther down to taxiland. Keith pushes me the wrong way to the end of the line. Nope! Taxis leave in the order they entered, not to be changed for you, Mr. Greene. Following another futile phone call, we roll to the front of the line. The people directing the taxis find a bigger taxi for me, not handicap accessible. I learn that I can stand up and sit down in any car without much hassle really. Keith moves my legs into the cab after I sit on the seat.

The driver speaks English and takes us to our Airbnb rental. We’ve been instructed to call a Jordi who will come bearing keys and open the apartment. But Jordi never answers the phone! Our taxi driver approaches the cleaning lady, gets the correct phone number and calls for us. Turns out the phone number listed for Jordi hasn’t been his for two years.

We tip the driver heavily and heartily. He leaves. We sit next door to the apartment and have glass of wine. Jordi arrives with keys, lets us in and tries to collect the €150 deposit that we’ve already paid. We argue for a while before he leaves vowing to return tomorrow for the money. We do actually owe a €10 key deposit which Jordi doesn’t collect. I get on the Internet, contact the hosts, and ask them to call off Jordi.

Always good to have a place to call home if only for a week! We have the penthouse of a very small apartment. Squeezing really, really hard, rubbing Bird’s spokes, we get into the elevator. This trip will not be easy on poor Bird.

In our apartment, Keith puts some of our clothes away. From our terrace we can see Sagrada Familia, and the Agbar tower. Despite knowing its name, we never learn the purpose of the Agbar Tower. Keith notes that it looks like a large penis in the sky, often bathed with different colors of light. Perhaps this is a tribute to Spain’s machismo culture. Wait! We’re in Cataluña. Whatever.

We instantly fall in love with Barcelona. What a delightful city! And we sit in the middle of town, where everything remains open late into the night. We see greengrocers, ham places, places that sell meat, and shops with dairy products. Are we visiting in the real Europe with daily grocery shopping, choosing dinner on the way home from work?

We descend from our penthouse into the evening, shop at a small store buying milk, eggs and bacon for breakfast tomorrow. Bear takes our prizes upstairs and stashes them in the refrigerator. I await him on the street.

Hungry, we wander down the street and find a place selling tapas, called the Gent of Barri. We order some ham and fried peppers. A woman asks us if we want Catalan Bread. “Sure,” we say. “Why not?” we think to ourselves, primed for adventure. She takes a piece of toast, rubs it with garlic then tomato, creating a tasty treat which we greatly enjoy. We’ll be recreating Catalan bread in our kitchen in Denver.

Sated with tapas and wine, we return to our apartment to sleep for the night.  

Wednesday, September 30, 2015 To Frankfurt, To Frankfurt

Is there a certain insanity in going to Europe when you can no longer walk? When your body requires two half-hour naps daily? When you can no longer write or type? Of course there is! There is also a certain insouciance and joie de vivre. I thumb my nose at the nasty people who insist that I’m a cripple and now must do nothing but sit in a wheelchair until I die.

Travel for me requires accepting and operating under a completely different mindset. At home I have the power chair Sven. Sven gives me lots of the autonomy. I transfer in and out of him, make my own decisions about where I will go and when and buzz around the house and even the city. Travelling, I must adapt to amazing passivity. Losing agency and any pretense of autonomy, I sit in a manual chair awaiting kindness’ push. I get a lot of enforced rest. Anything I want I must request, reduced to waiting upon the whims of others. Sitting passively for a nine-and-a-half hour flight gives one good practice in patience. But my co-travelers regain control of their bodies when we land; I do not.

Who must agree to my mad travel schemes? Only the Bear, my delightful companion and love of my life. I would never want to journey anywhere without him and he has kindly agreed to push Bird, the manual wheelchair that we’ve named for her many flights overseas and that she permits me to still soar. Despite living in a manual chair, at any moment, I must flawlessly execute sit-to-stand. Sit-to-stand is a very difficult move at the best of times, made more difficult when your brain discredits the sturdiness of your hips. Physically, I must be able to walk ten feet between the bed and the bathroom. I rely heavily on the aid of Tinky the Walker. We take Bird and Tinky with us on all of our adventures. Both bear numerous scars courtesy of the airlines. Sven, my power chair, justifiably fears flying and stays home. Pearl, as a minivan, weighs far too much for airline transport. She remains in her garage and talks to Gimmy the Camry. She tries to put Gimmy up to mischief, but fails.

Enough woolgathering! Back to our Denver departure. Late afternoon, we take a cab to the airport, then go through the security hassle. At DIA, hordes of TSA employees carefully investigate every bit of Bird and me. After wasting a good bit of everyone’s time, they wave us through and we proceed out to Lufthansa’s boarding area.

Walking no longer an option for me, I’m forced to rely upon aisle chairs. As such, I’m the first to board. Bear follows in my wake. For the blissfully uninitiated, using an aisle chair involves two strong people (airline employees) who approach with the chair then strap you securely into it.  They roll the appropriately named chair along the aisles of the airplane. Once at your assigned seat, they lift and deposit you in your place. Once the aisle chair deposits you in your airline seat, you’re expected to stay there. How do I go ten hours without using the bathroom? I wear an adult diaper, of course.

By the time they finish strapping anyone in, they could just as easily transport a corpse on the chair. Keith wants to buy me a gag, so that I would also be silent while tied up. We all have our fantasies, but his will come to naught.

But why have aisle chairs at all? Airlines, of course, function primarily as cargo carriers. You may be human cargo, but are cargo nonetheless. The airline will deliver you to anywhere you contract. You entered into a contract when you purchased a ticket. Read the stuff with the ticket carefully and you’ll see a contract.

For years I thought that the airline was called Lufttanza or “Air Dance.” What a cool name, eh? I speak with a very German stewardess who corrects me. “No, we are Lufthansa.” Or “Air Company.” Boring! “But we have a stylized crane (bird) in our logo. Don’t you like the crane!?” the stewardess continues somewhat fiercely. Not desiring to be thrown off the plane, I hastily agree but silently remain disappointed.

Once deposited in my seat by the airline employees, Bear and I watch our co-travelers find their seats and settle in. I’ve never seen so many people on an airplane. We’ve paid for bigger seats or at least seats with more legroom room than given to the average bear. The seats give us an empty three feet in front of us. We have the sole unoccupied seat on the plane next to us, since apparently no one wanted to chunk out the extra $100 for the seat. But I tell you, we have more room than Economy Plus and we find it well worth the moolah.

The plane departs promptly at 5:30PM. I think all flights to Europe fly overnight. The flight crew keeps giving us more drinks. Every time a wine glass empties they refill it. I ask one of the attendants if they’re trying to keep us sedated. “Is this a plot?” I ask. “Yes,” she admits. I laugh. “No,” she then avers, “I mean no, no, no.”

Lufthansa also has individual computer screens at each seat. You can choose from a very wide range of movies, TV shows, music, spoken word etc. to entertain yourself. My screen is broken. But I hate TV anyway so it’s okay.

Duly sedated by both alcohol and Ambien, I sleep through much of the flight. Thank God for Ambien.

Friday, March 7, 2014—Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity-Jog

We awaken. After a minimal last breakfast on the road, we load ourselves once again into Pearl. With barely suppressed excitement, she heads north toward Amarillo. We’ve reached the last day of our long journey, and we all know it, none more than Pearl. Reaching I-40, we drive a bit west to Cadillac Ranch.

I’m excited by today’s only planned stop, Cadillac Ranch. For the uninitiated, in the 1970s an art group buried ten Cadillacs halfway in the Texas dirt, nose first, the fins and back of the cars remaining above ground. I read about Cadillac Ranch as a teenager. I remember the breathless excitement and buzz around who could possibly afford to spend that much money on art. I mean Cadillacs? The American dream car?

The creators of Cadillac Ranch must have spent all of their money on Cadillacs and allocated nothing for site preservation and defense. Boy am I disappointed! The boys approach the sculpture, noting many pieces have fallen off of or have been stolen from the cars, diminishing the whole. A cattle fence blocks Sven and me, keeping us out, but doesn’t stop any determined ambulatory person. Assholes have spray-painted all over the cars. Stalactites of paint drip off of the old cars. Yuck! The self-same vandals can’t even take their trash with them. Myriad empty spray paint cans litter the ground. (I later read that the artists encouraged vandalism of the vehicles. Yuck! What an ugly part of humanity. Why can’t people just leave things be?)

 Disillusioned, we jump back into Pearl. We stop at the next gas station to buy Advil, ice, coffee, bad donuts made from repulsive quasi-edible oil products (the Bear’s favorite) and tea.

We hope that luck rides with us for we have seven hours home at the very best. Unfortunately for us, the weather prophets have predicted snow for Denver.

Circling Amarillo, Pearl turns north on route 87. We plan on taking 87 through both Texas and New Mexico, then picking up I-25 where Colorado starts. But for now we’re still in Texas. We see a lot of last year’s dead yellow brown grass.  The land begins to roll. We see cotton fields, green and irrigated, the only green in the landscape.

Slowly, as the land rises, we begin to see mesas and scrub brush cloaked in winter’s brown. Off the roadside, we find dried deep red gullies and every once in a while a canyon. Pearl cruises through brilliant late winter sunshine oblivious to the clouds ahead.

We cross into New Mexico. Excitedly, we see mountains in the distance. Do we see glimpses of home? Uh-oh, not mountains—clouds. Pearl takes us farther into the state. Now we really do see a mountain here and there. First we see conical hills dotting the land, then more mesas higher and higher. Oh boy, we’re 20 miles from the Raton Mountains, where Colorado begins. We smell home! We see rain ahead but we have been seeing it for the past two hours. Pearl still basks in the sunlight.

Colorado now, we approach cloud-covered Raton Pass. As we ascend, driving up and over, we encounter rain and rain and rain. Dejectedly, we pass Walsenburg again. Educated now, we don’t stop at the atrocious Alpine Rose Cafe for tea. Per Bloodroot, only non-foodies and other war criminals eat there. The rain slackens a bit then takes a breather. We stop at a roadside rest and cook lunch.

After lunch, back on the road again, snow begins. Heading ever north, we merge with heavy traffic. I-25 forcefully teaches us that we really live in one big city that starts in Colorado Springs and ends in Fort Collins. A mere ten hours after we awoke in Texas, we land at our house. Boy is it good to be home!

What impressed me? The beauty of America, of course. I treasure my memory of Taos museums, Carlsbad Caverns, Big Bend National Park, Johnson Space Center, Lake Fausse, Avery Island, the Laura Plantation, historic battlefields, Sixth Floor Museum, and Poverty Point.  I loved meeting the different people in Terlingua, Texas, and Lafayette, Louisiana.

What touched my heart the most? I still think about how we live in the Denver wealth bubble, certainly compared to northern Louisiana. I hadn’t realized that the bubble didn’t extend beyond here. I am saddened by too much of our country living in poverty, still divided along racial lines, even all these years after we tried to change it.

We spent four weeks together, didn’t kill each other (though greatly tempted) AND still speak to each other, despite visions of duct tape covering mouths.

What treasures now grace our home? Looking through our new trinkets, we find a NASA Johnson Space Center Christmas ornament, a Laura plantation ornament, a Tabasco magnet an Alamo mission magnet and a Poverty Point State Park magnet. Keith believes that the refrigerator will fall through the floor due to the weight of the magnets. Altogether, this trip yields a coffee table book on samurai armor, eight more magnets, three coffee cups, a sweatshirt, a polo shirt and three Christmas ornaments.

And we have seen a part of America I never dreamt of seeing. I overcame my fear of Texas and Texans. I realized that I still don’t like drunks (New Orleans). I love history. We saw some official history (the battlefields) and unofficial but equally real history (the Laura Plantation & New Orleans parks). Life is good.

Fin